


Off-Broadway

by seikaitsukimizu



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Bad Puns, Broadway, Crack, Crossdressing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-19
Updated: 2014-01-19
Packaged: 2018-01-09 08:03:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1143540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seikaitsukimizu/pseuds/seikaitsukimizu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony loves his new role, Steve is befuddled, and Clint, Clint just can't help himself with the puns.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Off-Broadway

Clint’s working on applying Natasha’s face make up when Tony waltzes in—literally, waltzes—and drapes himself across the casting couch with an melodramatic sigh. Natasha doesn't bat an eye and Clint, well, Clint’s used to this by now, so he just adjusts his grip on the black pencil and carefully fills in the spots on his partner’s face.

There’s another sigh, then a jangling sound of jewelry as Tony waves regally at them. “You’re getting sloppy, Mungo,” the billionaire says. “I can still see the brooding intensity beneath the makeup.”

“You’re getting sloppy, Tony,” Natasha replies without missing a beat. “I can see the panty-line beneath your dress.”

“Liar,” Tony runs a hand down the side of the lime green 1920s-style gown he’s wearing. “I’m not wearing anything underneath.” He waggles his eyebrows. “Wanna check?”

“Tony, no,” Steve orders as he walks in, hair combed back and black name-tag proudly displayed on his button-down shirt. “And has anyone seen my book?” He’s looking around, opening drawers. “I could get another from props, but I did promise-“

“Tony’ll help you find it,” Clint answers, leaning back to check his work. 

“Tony’s relaxing before the show,” the man replies, throwing an arm over his head.

Steve blushes and forcibly crosses Tony’s legs as he walks by. Tony merely laughs. 

Clint hands over the makeup and relaxes his face as Natasha starts coloring his forehead. Years ago, when he was a struggling artist, he balked at the idea of living with Tony Stark, Broadway investor and star of stage and screen. The very idea that a man like him would ever pay attention to a lowly circus performer…

Apparently, though, Stark made an effort to ‘collect’ aspiring youths, to help those he saw as having true potential. After a lifetime of acting, directing, even writing, no one dismissed the man’s judgment. It crossed genres, and was never wrong. 

“Hey, hey,” Tony grabs the letters on the table beside the couch. “UK stamp. Letter from Thor!” He ripped it open with his fake red polished nail and pulled out the multi-page manifesto.

The Odinson family, Stark’s first investment, are currently in London, invited by the Royal Shakespeare Theater Company to perform around the country and at least once before the Queen. Clint misses the big guy, jokingly called Thor, but he’s totally okay if the man’s brother never comes back. The guy was a class-A jerkoff and he wished he’d never slept with him. But he didn't always make the best decisions when drunk. 

“Hah! I was right, Jane’s preggers. Darcy’ll have kittens!”

Clint smiles at that, which makes Natasha glare at him. At this range, the makeup does nothing to diminish its intensity, and he quickly goes back to a stoic expression. 

Darcy is Stark’s personal scout. She goes to all the new shows, looks for new talent. She and Tony have the same energy level, and watching them in a room together is a little terrifying. He’s still not sure how they met, though rumor is a truck and someone being run down is involved. 

“Get it? Kittens?” His grin is slightly demented, and Clint flips him off. Currently, he and Natasha are playing Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer. They’re both ample acrobats, but it’s their synergy that really brings them alive on-stage. Brooding, quiet Natasha becomes a giggling, energetic Rumpleteazer and Clint, Clint was always a thieving cat. It was one of the best ways to survive post-circus. It’s actually how he met Tony: trying to lift his wallet.

Of course, said wallet had not only a tracking device, but a micro-speaker that belted out the most embarrassing show-tunes Tony could think of at the time. He was exposed ten seconds after robbing the man. It took another hour before Tony chased him into an alleyway he couldn't escape from. At that point, Clint was ready to throw in the towel and just give himself over to the police he was sure were waiting on the sidewalk. 

Tony, being Tony, said, “Fantastic jumps! Were you classically trained?”

Clint, being Clint, said, “Um, sorry. But, I dropped the wallet.”

Tony waved it off. “Fuck the wallet, just had a few hundred. Seriously, what college? Teacher? Where are you auditioning?”

Thrown off, Clint could only blurt out, “The circus and…what?”

“Seriously?” He gripped his hair, then grinned, all his teeth gleaming like a shark, and Clint actually took a step back. “That’s awesome!” And then he swung around and put an arm around Clint’s shoulders. “You, young man, are going to be the next Amazing Spiderman!”

He wasn't sure whether to be confused or afraid. In the end, Tony had swept him in as the understudy to Spiderman: The Musical, and he ended up living with the man until he could ‘land on his feet.’

That had been five years ago. Three years ago, he met Natasha, a fellow-understudy making a break from her ballet career. They had been fooling around with dance steps during a rehearsal when the director from Cats caught them and offered them a job then and there.

Fortunately, both of them had voices, otherwise they would've been shit outta luck. 

“Tony,” Bruce Banner’s soft voice enters just before the man does, “we need to talk about the lines you changed. Again.”

Bruce Banner is a long-time friend of Stark’s, and apparently a silent producer in a lot of Stark’s shows. Clint had seen him around shortly after he became an understudy, but it was almost six months before he’d gotten a name. Eight before he knew just what the affable man’s job actually was. At nine, he’d seen him actually step out and dress down the cast of Spamalot for botching a rehearsal. It was utterly terrifying, as if he was a different man entirely. 

He could see why Tony liked him. 

Stark himself, lately, had just revived Mame and, in a not-so-startling surprise, cast himself. The fact that he was playing the staring role shocked many, but apparently Tony in drag was not only edgy, it was highly popular. The show is still sold out. And of course, Tony being Tony, he’s still making occasional edits to the script. 

Fortunately, Bruce is able to reign him in a lot. 

“It was in the freezer,” Steve says confusedly, flipping the ice-covered book back and forth in his hands. “How’d it get in the freezer?”

Steve Rogers was snatched—literally, snatched—from the backstage of Warhorse so Tony could pitch him a starring role in a super-secret new musical. He’s now playing Elder Price in Book of Mormon, and Clint would be jealous, but he never could pull off the goodie-goodie type. Plus, Steve introduced him to his best friend, Bucky, playing Fiero in Wicked. He and Bucky are definitely cut from the same cloth, and have gotten into a few barroom hi-jinks, much to Steve’s dismay and Tony’s amusement. 

“Right!” Tony stands and claps his hands, shimmying a little in his dress. “Life’s a party! At least, it will be once we get to the theater. Time to ring in the New Year at the costume ball!”

He’s just a little too into his role, Clint sometimes thinks. Then again, the character of Mame basically is Tony, so he shouldn't be too surprised. He waits until Natasha sits back and nods before stretching his arms, arching his back and feeling the tiger-striped costume shift on his body.

The whistle is nothing like a wolf, but it sends shivers down his spine as he twists in his seat to face Phil Coulson along with the rest of them. Coulson is in charge of the Stark finances; working alongside Stark’s lawyer, a frightening man called Nick Fury, and their equally terrifying personal assistant Maria Hill. He’s half positive the three of them were in some Special Forces unit that turned civilian, and it’s only that extensive training that allows them to tolerate Stark’s insanity. 

“What, no love for me,” Tony poses as if he were toasting with a martini glass, like in his press poster. “I’m far prettier than Barton, there.”

“You wish,” Clint shoots back, mock-clawing at him “Everyone knows Phil only has eyes for this pussy.”

Steve actually chokes at the pun, and Bruce starts smacking him on the back. Tony laughs too and Natasha smacks him on the back, though for a very different reason. 

And Phil…

Phil isn't even fazed. “The limo is waiting. I’ll meet you down there.” He looks Clint directly in the eye. “I just have to skin a cat.”


End file.
